Sitting in a circle of twenty people in the bedroom of my friend, who I can hear throwing up 

through the wall. The woman next to me, B, who I’ve known for almost four years tells me I 

want my younger sibling to meet you they just came out as nonbinary and I think you would be 

such a good person for them to meet they don’t really know many trans people and talking to you 

would be so inspirational for them like I think it would be really good if they could meet a good 

role model, and I’m sitting here cross-legged and pre-t, wanting to dissolve into this plastic cup 

filled with the contents of whatever was in the kitchen, knowing B and I have never had a single 

conversation about transness since I came out, but I nod and smile and say, yeah, that’s great, 

and look across the circle for someone else to talk to. And I never do meet her sibling, and she 

never talks to me one-on-one after this night. Someone mentions a party from three years ago 

and I’m laughing again with the group, yeah I threw up in the recycling bin, no I went home with 

Travis, I did so many of Abby’s peppermint patties, that was the night they put Everclear in the 

juice, and side conversations start popping up, so before B departs from my life she angles her 

knees towards me, slumps a little, looks me in the eye, and I know she’s drunk, but I still recoil 

when I hear her first words, I know you don’t like him, I already know where this is going, so my 

cup is at my lips, I’m preparing to nod along and find the nearest path out the door directly 

behind me, but —--- was really was such a good friend to me this last year and I miss him so much 

when he went vegan we cooked dinner together every day and it was so nice to have someone 

who wanted to make healthy meals with me and I know you don’t like him, and she starts 

to actually cry, like voice wavering, tears running down her face, and I can’t drink fast enough to 

say I need another drink yet, so she keeps talking about how wonderful a man who 

raped me is, but really he was so supportive to me I’ve cried so many times in front of him and 

he’s always listened to me and he’s always been such a great guy and I’m really just grateful to 

have gotten to know him, and we still talk a lot, but I miss him, you know? there’s a pause where 

I’m supposed to say something like, yeah that’s great, but I go silent, just kind of look back 

at her, and the man next to me, who doesn’t know me all that well, says Reynie, do you want 

another drink? I stand up after him and we walk out of the room together, my cup still half-full.